I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
