I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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