these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
