Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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