i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
from now on my penis is your penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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