you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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