when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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