he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
