everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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