we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
