I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
