$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
