is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
