sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
