I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
