either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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