Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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