if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
