I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had sex on a roof
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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