Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
