hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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