happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
