you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
