i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
