He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
