This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
