tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
are you so shy because you have an std?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry about my life...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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