Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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