Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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