i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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