toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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