all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
