was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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