You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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