I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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