I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
