She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
