Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
