I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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