When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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