I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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