so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
