Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize