Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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