he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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