the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
These tits shall not be calmed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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