And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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