I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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