I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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