So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
