You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
