I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
