i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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