Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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