Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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