I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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