haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
