what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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