we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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