at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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