guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
