What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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