Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
