it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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