I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
