I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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