Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
