if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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