when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
