you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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