It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
